Published on Oct 06, 2021
Grown Child Who Ignore Their Parents
Once a parent is always a parent even when you are 80, and your child is 60. Your child becomes your life from the day you get to know you are pregnant. You decide your baby names, make their nursery room, buy clothes and toys before they arrive. You try to do everything for their happiness, and this is because of the love you have for them.
Parents want love from their kids just like the way they love them. It is said that children and parents relation is the strongest relation, and you cannot break the relation even if you want to. In childhood, children want love and attention from their parents, but as the child grows into an adult and parents turn old, parents want to love and attention from their children.
But sometimes, your children ignore you as your turn old, and they become adult. It can be the most hurtful thing that parents can face. You want your kids to be your support and strength as you turn old, but it breaks your heart when things turn the opposite.
There can be various reasons for grown childs’ behaviors change and reasons behind them ignoring their parents. Before you know why grown children ignore their parents, you need to know the signs of children ignoring their parents.
Signs of Your Children Ignoring You
At first, when your child starts to ignore you, you might not realize it. But as time passes and when the behavior continues, you may start to realize it. Few signs that you need to look at when you start to realize your child is ignoring you are:
They Never Call You
The first thing you notice is they never show interest in your phone calls or are not the ones to call you at first. You may only be the one who is ringing at them. They will call you just when they need a favor from you.
Usually, when your child moves out, you start to get worried about them and want to check on them regularly. But they may not want to talk with you or keep ignoring the phone call. Also, they might keep making excuses for not receiving the phone calls. If you see a similar kind of situation between you and your estranged child, then they might be ignoring you.
They Do Not See You Often
Once children are estranged from their parents, they do not see them every day. There will not be regular meetings like it used to be when your children used to live with you. You have to make a plan to see one other. But what if your children keep making excuses, do not put effort into meeting you, or keep telling you they travel a long distance to meet you.
You may keep telling yourself that they might be busy; they do have their private life. But what if they continue their activities to skip meeting with you. If you see these kinds of behavior in your child, then it is true that your grown child is trying to ignore you.
You Get To Know About Their Updates From Third Person/ Social Media
Usually, children live away from their parents as they grew up. The child feels they are wise and mature enough when they turn 18 and want to live independently. You may even feel it’s just a phase of life where kids want to be independent.
They may make some big decisions in their life without letting you know. For instance, if your child has moved to a new state and you know it from their Facebook check-in, or if your child is pregnant and you get to know about it from other people, it’s a clear sign that they ignore you. Your child might not see you as an important member of their life.
Avoid Family Gathering
The next reason you feel ignored by your children might be when they start to avoid family gatherings. Family dinners and special occasions are when you can meet with your estranged children and spend time with them.
How frequently do you host family gatherings and dinners? Even if you are busy, you may host dinners and get together during festivals like Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year, etc. Do your children try to avoid such occasions?
If your children constantly avoid such family gatherings and keep telling you they are busy; then they might be trying to avoid you. They may not want to face situations where they have to talk with you.
They Try To Be Rebellious Towards You
No matter how old parents are, they should always be the first person a child should go to whenever they need any suggestions or face problems. Children should accept that parents have more experience than they have and always want their kid’s betterment. Parents’ advice is something that children must take a look at before making their decision.
But sometimes things might not go as it’s supposed to go. Your adult child might want to do whatever they want, no knowing what is right and wrong for them. Even when you try to make them aware of their decision, they might rebel, thinking they are stopping them from living their lives.
Why Grown Children Ignore Their Parents?
The family relationship is always said to be the strongest and the purest relationship. Parents and children always have a natural bond. However, sometimes children ignore their parents as they grow up, and there might be various reasons for children to ignore their parents:
You Dislike Their Spouse
Life partners are who you choose to be with for the rest of your life. They are the people who you want to be part of your family. Even though you dislike your child’s spouse, you need to respect your child’s spouse. It’s always better for you to be respectful towards them and make an effort to improve your relationship with your estranged adult children.
Sometimes, people who your child chooses as their life partner, you may not like. And there might be various reasons you do not like your child’s spouse, but it’s better not to show your dislike toward them; it can hurt your child. When you disrespect your son-in-law or daughter-in-law, it can create distance and misunderstanding between you and your kids. In the worst case, they can even cut off contact with you.
You Do Not Give Them Privacy
Even though they are your children, they do want their private life. During childhood, you may keep interfering with your child’s life, and they may not even mind, but as they grow up, they need privacy, and if you keep being a helicopter parent, then your kids start to distance themselves from you.
As your child grows, you start to take them as your friends, and try to spend more time with them and want to know what’s going in their life. But, if you keep interfering and do not give them a space in their lives, they start to ignore you or stop communicating with you.
You Are Over Controlling Toward Them
Just because your adult child is living without that does not mean you have to control them. Being bossy parents and controlling your kids might not help maintain a healthy relationship with your adult children. Hence, your parenting style might also affect your healthy relationship with your child.
Even when you have an estranged relationship with your child, you should not show your bossy side when you visit them. When you start to boss them around their spouse and children, they may not like it and start to distance themselves from you.
You Consider Them As A Child
No matter how old your kids get, you still consider them as a kid. You may want to protect your kids and pamper them all the time, but you need to keep in mind what they want. By considering your grown children a kid, you may undermine them and reduce their self-esteem.
As your child grows up, they need equal love and respect as adults need from their family members. Treating your child like tweens and teens even when they are an adult might frustrate them. Also, whenever they make decisions for themselves, you might start to doubt their decision which can hurt them. Other than that, when you make decisions for them, decide what they should eat, who they should be friends with, it can affect your loving relationship with your child.
Your Ill-Treatment Towards Them In Their Childhood
Last but not least, the reason children ignore their parents can be your ill-treatment towards them in their childhood. Intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes you might end up hurting your child. When you start to age, you may want love and affection like your kids want when they grow old. But if you have failed to give the love and affection in your child’s childhood, then you can understand why they are distancing themselves from you.
Similarly, suppose you were an abusive parent and used to physically and emotionally abuse your child or do not care about their mental and physical health. In that case, you should not be expecting your child to be nice to you when they grow up. Thereby, the way you treat your child shapes their character and their love towards you.
Things To Do When Children Starts To Ignore You
At first, you might refuse to accept that your kids are ignoring you. But when you realize your kids are trying to cut off ties with you, stop talking to you; you might get hurt. For those thinking about what to do when your child starts to ignore you, here are some tips for you.
Communicate How You Feel Being Ignored
The best way is to talk and share what you are feeling when you feel like you are being ignored. As you know that communication is the first solution for any problem, so why not communicate with your kids and share what you are feeling. Sometimes, your kids can be busy with their work, so they may not be able to give you time, and you may end up thinking they have started to ignore you.
So, the best solution is to communicate share your feelings with your kids. It will help if you do not blame them for ignoring you and for their feelings while communicating with your kids. Instead, you can tell them how much you miss not being around them.
Make Them Feel Valued
For parents, their children will always be their little ones no matter how old they are. But children, on the other hand, want not just love but respect from their parents. Sometimes, when you keep treating your kids like a little one, they might feel that they are not valued and respected as an individual.
Thereby, it would help if you made your kids feel they are valued. To do this, you can involve them in family decision-making or ask their opinion on certain topics. If you face problems, you can even take advice from your kids; this will give you a sense of value.
Don’t Get Angry
Every story has two sides; if children ignore their parents, they may have certain reasons for that. Understand their situation before you jump to making any statement about your kids being angry at them. You need to know the situation for your kids, what they might be facing, and then come to a conclusion.
You need to keep in mind the most crucial thing is not letting strangers fuel your emotions when your children ignore you.
Understand Their Time
Even though they are your children, they are also grown-up adults and have their life. They do have their duties and responsibilities to be fulfilled. Your kids might be professional at some places or maybe the parents for little ones. You need to understand, they have their life and need to give time for all the things they are responsible for.
Hence, before you make any plans with your kids, ask them if they have time or not. You might be retired and have all the time yourself, but your kids do not have enough time. So, when you ask about timing to your kids before making any plans, there are fewer chances of you being ignored by them.
Respect Their Spouse and The Time With Them
Children start to distance themselves from their parents when parents dislike their spouse or when you try to interfere in their family time. As a parent, you need to understand that once your kids have their family, they have to give time to their family members.
It would be better if you understand that your children need to give time for their children. You should also not interfere in their personal life and should always be cheering for their family members.
Summing up, as time goes relation between children and parents does change. During childhood, your children are extremely attached to you, but as they turn into teens and adults, the attachment might not be the same as a kid, but they still like to be around you. They will not ignore you unless they have certain reasons to ignore you.
So, when your kids are ignoring you, you need to know the reason behind it and try to improve your relationship with them. Also, always remember commitment and effort in relation helps to improve the relation.