Published on Aug 26, 2022
10 Things Toxic Parents Say To Their Children | Parent-Child Relationship
Parenting is a full-time and a lifetime job. Once you are a parent, your role and responsibilities towards your kids will never end. Parenting can be challenging and exhausting, and it can bring out your best and worst versions. It is up to you how good a parent you will be.
There is no doubt how pure parents' and children's relationships can be. No matter how old you grow, your relationship with your parents will never fade away, and you will always learn something from your parents. But, if you have toxic parents, life can be problematic.
Nothing in the world is toxic than irrelevant things toxic parents say to their children.
Similar is the case with you and your child. You will never stop teaching them things even when they grow up. A child's social, emotional, and physical development depends on how well you are nurturing them.
You need to have a positive relationship with your children regardless of what situation you might be in. Whether you are a single parent, divorced parent, or have a good relationship with your partner, you should have a good relationship with your child no matter what your problem is.
Your kids will be happy three times more when they have a good relationship with you. Here's why you need to have good relations with your young ones:
Importance of Having Good Relationships With Your Young Ones
These are some of the benefits of having a good parent-child relationship.
- Your kids can maintain positive relations with other people as well.
- It helps kids to be more confident and optimistic.
- Children want to maintain positive relationships with humans and with pets.
- The positive relationship between parents and children is essential for children's emotional and mental development.
- Improves children's social and academic skills.
Even though children want love and affection before their parents, not all parents are perfect. Sometimes either due to work reasons or financial reasons, or some personal reason, parents misbehave with their children, and some parents have toxic relationships with their children.
Their parents are mistreating many children, or we can say toxic parents. Toxic parents are the ones who do not treat their children the way they should be treated. The things toxic parents say to their children impact them throughout their life.
Verbal and emotional abuse are the main thing that children of toxic parents face the most.
10 Things Toxic Parents Say To Their Children
Here are some of the things toxic parents say to their children.
1. "Change Your Appearance"
Children, especially teens, love to experiment with the latest fashion trends. All the parents might not know what kinds of trends are going outside. You might start to judge your child without knowing what they want to do.
"Your hair looks ugly; what have you done with your hair?"
Constantly judging your kids regarding their appearance will reduce kids' self-confidence. Children are usually skeptical about their appearance, and judging them will reduce their self-confidence.
It would be best to let your kids be who they want to be and what they want to do unless they are not involved in inappropriate activities. They will start to feel guilty about their choices. Teach your kids to love themselves and accept who they are and how they look instead of being judged about their appearance.
For instance, if your kids are overweight, encourage them to exercise. Never say "You are fat!" or tease them constantly, saying "fatty," "overweight," etc.
These kinds of statements will not just hurt your child, but they will even lead to emotional stress, eating disorders, self-consciousness, and more.
2. "... Is Better Than You"
The joint statement that we can hear in parents and child conversations is:
"He/she is better than you."
You might say these kinds of statements to encourage your children to do better in their lives. But, will it encourage them to do better?
Usually, toxic parents compare their children with their siblings and cousins. This constant comparison among children can cause jealousy and hatred towards each other, creating unhealthy relationships among children.
For instance, yelling at your young one in front of your older one, "Look at your big brother, he got 99 on his math test; he is so much smarter and intelligent than you dumbhead."
Such statements will not just hurt your younger one but will also start to show toxic behavior and negative emotions toward their sibling. In the worst case, they will begin to distance themselves from the siblings they are being compared to.
Also, constant comparison among children will increase anxiety and stress levels among children as they try to be the perfect ones. Because of comparison, kids can have other consequences: reduced self-worth, distancing from others, increased sibling rivalry, suppressing talent, etc.
3. "You Have Been Burden For Us"
Children take every word of their parents seriously, and all children want from their parents is unconditional love and support.
Parenting is the most challenging job, and it is the job that will never end once you become a parent. During parenting, every day is not a good day. Sometimes your kids can trouble you and try you a lot with their unusual acts.
No matter how hard a time your kids can give you or how hard it is for you to be, parents never treat your kids like their burden.
"You are such an expensive child. You exhaust me."
Listening to such words will make kids feel insecure, and children will hide their problems. Likewise, your child will start to take the blame for all your problems and unhappiness. They try to do every possible thing to please you and solve your problems.
4. "You Cannot Choose Your Career Yourself."
One common mistake that most parents make is setting their child's career without asking what they want to do in the future. Many children accept what their parents ask them to do and feel unhappy for the rest of their lives.
You may have seen doctors who want their children to follow the same career path. If the child wants to be a photographer, they may give up their dreams before their parents.
"You must be a doctor; there is no way you are choosing your career yourself."
If you keep interfering with your kid's life and make most of their essential decisions by yourself, then they will be dependent on you. Also, they will not be able to make any decisions in their life.
Furthermore, children might not focus on their studies if their parents force them to choose their careers. Hence, it would be best never to tell your kids what career they should follow or what they must do in their lives.
5. "It's Your Fault"
Either for fun or purposefully, never blame your kids for all the mistakes and minor accidents in the house. Constantly blaming children for all the faults will increase the burden among themselves.
"I told you not to touch the glasses vessels. Look, you broke them."
Saying phrases like this each time any items broke, or any mishaps happened will make kids guilty about things they might not have done. When kids constantly get blamed for everything at home, they will start to do the same with their peers, and they will even learn to shift their blame to others.
Similarly, children will feel skeptical about all their activities, and they will feel cautious about their activities.
6. "Why Do You Think Only About Yourself"
You must agree that every kid is different from one another. Some kids can get selfish, while some are rebellious, and some may be giving, but parents must not judge their kids about their character.
By nature, children are selfish, but never tell them they are selfish; they will improve their behavior as they grow up. While growing up, every kid is the same, and most toxic parents might not find that attractive behavior.
"You are such a selfish person. I am ashamed of you."
These are the joint statements that you can hear. When a child gets these kinds of comments from their parents, they get pressured to change their behavior.
Even if you want your kids not to have such behavior, you can show them some examples of yourself. Kids can learn a lot from you, so set a good example so that they can learn from it.
7. Using Abusive Words or Statement
Children who have toxic families often learn abusive words from their parents or other family members. If a child has a toxic family, they can have awful childhood experiences, and children can learn verbal abuse and even face physical abuse.
Constantly yelling at children and using abusive words will affect your child's emotional and mental health. They can use such words in front of their peers and even pass them to their peers. Yelling and using abusive comments in front of children will reduce their self-esteem.
Likewise, if you have toxic relationships with your partner or use abusive language in front of your kids, they will also have to learn the same.
If you hear your kids using such abusive language, you need to address it immediately. You need to know why your children are using such languages.
8. Making False Promosies
Bribing children to do something is what most parents do. Parents usually make fake promises to their children to make their children do what they want to do.
"Get full marks on your Math test, and I will give you a brand new iPhone."
Making promises and then ignoring the promises will make children disappointed. When you keep making promises and do not fulfill such promises, your kids will stop believing you. This will break trust among parents and children.
Moreover, when you make fake promises, children will do the same most of the time. Hence, it is better not to make any fake promises that you cannot keep.
9. Constantly lying
Every parent teaches their children not to lie, and this is probably the first thing parents teach their kids as they grow up. Many parents even punish their children when they find their children lying.
But, sometimes, parents even lie to their children either because they are obligated to lie or are used to lying. No matter why you lie to your kids, lying breaks trust among parents and kids. Also, children are much more intelligent than you think they are; they can easily find their parents lying to them.
"I am busy with my work."
You are lying to your kids about your work even when they are not working. This will break the trust among your kids, and your kids will not believe you even when you have actual work.
10. Making Selfish Wishes
Sometimes, parents say something that will hurt children for the rest of their lives. Usually, birthdays or special occasions are significant for children, and it tells them that sometimes rudeness during such experiences can be exceedingly hurtful.
"I wish I had a better daughter/son."
These kinds of wishes can make children feel unwanted, and they can even feel depressed and might end up arming themselves.
You must be gentle with your kids and understand their feelings and emotions. You should know how your words can affect your children.
To sum up, the things toxic parents say to their children can ruin parents and child relations. Parents are everything for children, and they take their parents' every word very seriously.
Verbal and physical abusers have manipulative behavior, are emotionally unavailable, do not understand their children's feelings, and thus are toxic parents. If children have toxic parents growing up, it damages their childhood experiences, and it can deteriorate their mental health and even force them to have suicidal thoughts.
It would be best to learn what toxic parents are and what they do and say to avoid being toxic parents yourself, as good parenting is essential for your kids' growth and development.
After reading the blog on 10 things toxic parents say to their children, I hope you will know what you should not say to your kids. If you have some more things that you think should not be told to young ones, please feel free to mention them in the comment section below. I would love to read them.