Jul 27, 2021
10 Things Toxic Parents Say to Their Children
Parenting is a full-time job and a lifetime job. Once you are a parent, your role and responsibilities towards your kids will never end. Parenting can be hard and exhausting. It can bring out your best and worst version. It is up to you how good a parent you are going to be.
There is no doubt how pure parent's and children's relationships can be. No matter how old you grow, your relationship with your parents will never fade away. You will always learn something from your parents.
Similar is the case with you and your child. You will never stop teaching them things even when they grow up. A child's social, emotional, and physical development depends on how well you are nurturing them.
You need to have a positive relationship with your children regardless of what situation you might be in. The parental behaviour directly affects the growth of the children.
Whether you are a single parent, divorced parent, or have a good relationship with your partner, no matter your situation, you should have a good relationship with your child.
Your kids will be happy three times more when they have a good relationship with you. Here's why you need to have good relations with your young ones:
Importance of Having Good Relationships With Your Young Ones
Raising children is not an easy task and having good relationships with your younger ones is very important. Parents tell many things to their children and the parental behaviour of different parents varies from one to another. Here are some of the importance of having good relationships with their kids are as follows:
- Your kids can maintain positive relations with other people as well.
- It helps kids to be more confident and optimistic.
- Children not just want to maintain positive relationships with humans but also with pets.
- The positive relationship between parents and children is essential for the emotional and mental development of children.
- Improves children’s social and academic skills.
Even though children want love and affection in front of their parents, not all parents are perfect. Sometimes either due to work reasons or financial reasons, or some personal reason, parents misbehave with their children. Some parents do have toxic relationships with their children. Their parents are mistreating many children, or we can say, toxic parents.
Toxic parents are the ones who do not treat their children the way they should be treated. They can say and do many toxic things that impact children throughout their life.
Verbal and emotional abuse are the main thing that children of toxic parents face the most. Child emotional growth is very important in order to help them perform better. Some toxic things that toxic parents can say to their children’s are:
Toxic Things that Parents Say To Their Children
“Change Your Appearance”
Children, especially teens, love to experiment with the latest fashion trends. All the parents might not know what kinds of trends are going outside. You might start to judge your child without knowing what they want to do.
“Your hair looks ugly; what have you done with your hair?”
Constantly judging your kids regarding their appearance will reduce kids’ self-confidence. Children are usually skeptical about their appearance, and judging them will reduce their self-confidence more. The child feels guilty to be the way they are born.
It would be best to let your kids be who they want to be and what they want to do unless they are not involved in some inappropriate activities. They will start to feel guilty about their choices. Teach your kids to love themselves and accept who they are and how they look instead of being judged about their appearance.
For instance, if your kids are overweight, then encourage them to do some exercise. Never say “You are fat!” or tease them constantly, saying “fatty,” “overweight,” etc.
These kinds of statements will not just hurt your child, but they will even lead to emotional stress, eating disorders, self-consciousness, and more.
“... Is Better Than You”
The common statement that we can hear in parents and child conversations is:
"He/she is better than you.”
You might say these kinds of statements to encourage your children to do better in their lives. But, will it encourage them to do better?
Usually, toxic parents compare their children with their siblings and cousins. This constant comparison among children can cause jealousy and haterade feelings towards each other. It will also create unhealthy relationships among children.
For instance, yelling at your young one in front of your older one, “Look at your big brother, he got 99 on his maths test; he is so much smarter and intelligent than you dumbhead.” This statement will not just hurt your younger one but will also start to show toxic behaviour and negative emotions toward their sibling. In the worst case, they will start to distance themselves from the siblings they are being compared to.
Apart from that, constant comparison among children will increase anxiety and stress levels among children as they try to be the perfect ones. Kids can have other consequences because of comparison: reduces self-worth, distancing from others, increases sibling rivalry, suppresses talent, etc.
“You Have Been Burden For Us”
Children take every word of their parents seriously. All children want from their parents is unconditional love and support.
Parenting is the most challenging job, and it is the job that will never end once you become parent. During parenting, every day is not a good day. Sometimes your kids can trouble you and will try you a lot with their unusual acts.
No matter how hard a time your kids can give you or how hard it is for you to be, parents never treat your kids like their burden. Some of the kids have divorced parents who might feel economic pressure and may say some of the toxic words like:
“You are such an expensive child. You exhaust me.”
Having to listen to such words will make kids feel insecure, and children will hide their problems. Likewise, your child will start to take the blame for all your problems and unhappiness. They try to do every possible thing to please you and to solve your problems.
“You Cannot Choose Your Career Yourself.”
One common mistake that most parents make is setting their child’s career without asking what they want to do in the future. Many children accept what their parents ask them to do and feel unhappy for the rest of their lives.
You may have seen parents who are doctors want their children to follow the same career path. If the child wants to be a photographer, they may give up their dreams in front of their parents.
“You must be a doctor; there is no way you are choosing your career yourself.”
If you keep interfering with your kid’s life and make most of their essential decisions by yourself, then they will be dependent on you. Also, they will not be able to make any decisions in their life.
Furthermore, children might not focus on their studies if their parents force them to choose their careers.
Hence, it would be best if you never told your kids what career they should follow or what they must do in their life.
“Its Your Fault”
Either for fun or purposefully, never blame your kids for all the mistakes and minor accidents in the house. The parental behaviour of the kids varies from one to another. Constantly blaming children for all the faults will increase the burden among themselves. There are many toxic things a parent says to their children which may include:
“I told you not to touch the glasses vessels. Look, you broke them.”
Saying phrases like this each time any items broke or any mishaps happened will make kids guilty about things they might not have done.
When kids constantly get blamed for everything at their home, they will start to do the same with their peers. They will even learn to shift their blame to others.
Similarly, children will feel skeptical about all the activities they are doing. They will feel cautious about their activities.
“Why Do You Think Only About Yourself”
You must agree that every kid is different from one another. Some kids can get selfish, while some are rebellious, and some may be giving, but parents must not judge their kids about their character.
By nature, children are selfish, but never tell them they are selfish; they will improve their behaviour as they grow up. Someone's particular parenting style may cause positive or negative growth to their children. While growing up, every kid is the same, and most toxic parents might not find that attractive behaviour.
“You are such a selfish person. I am ashamed of you.”
These are the common statements that you can hear. When a child gets these kinds of comments from their parents, they get pressured to change their behaviour.
Even if you want your kids not to have such behaviour, then you can show them some examples of yourself. Kids can learn a lot from you, so set a good example so that they can learn from it.
Using Abusive Words or Statement
Children who have toxic families often learn abusive words from their parents or other family members. If a child has a toxic family, then they can have awful childhood experiences. Children can learn verbal abuse and even face physical abuse.
Constantly yelling at children and using abusive words will affect your child’s emotional and mental health. They can use such words in front of their peers and even pass them to their peers. Yelling and using abusive words in front of children will reduce their self-esteem.
The child's behaviour can be changed and improved. Raising children depends on someone’s particular parenting style. Likewise, if you have toxic relationships with your partner or use abusive language in front of your kids, they will also have to learn the same.
If you hear your kids using such abusive language, you need to address it immediately. You need to know why your children are using such languages.
Making False Promosies
Bribing children to do something is what most parents do. Parents usually make fake promises to their children to make their children do what they want to do.
“Get full marks on your Maths test, and I will give you a brand new iPhone.”
Making promises and then ignoring the promises will make children disappointed. When you keep making promises and do not fulfil such promises, your kids will stop believing you. This will break trust among parents and children.
Moreover, when you make fake promises most of the time, children will do the same. Hence, it is better not to make any fake promises that you cannot keep.
Every parent teaches their children not to lie. This is probably the first thing that parents teach their kids as they grow up. Many parents even punish their children when they find their children lying.
But, sometimes, parents even lie to their children either because they are obligated to lie or are used to lying. No matter for what reason you lie to your kids, lying breaks trust among parents and kids. Also, children are much more intelligent than you think they are; they can easily find their parents lying to them.
“I am busy with my work.”
You are lying to your kids about your work even when they are not working. This will break the trust among your kids. Your kids will not believe you even when you have actual work.
Making Selfish Wishes
Sometimes, parents say something that will hurt children for the rest of their lives. Usually, birthdays or some special occasions are significant for children. It is telling them that sometimes being rude during such occasions can be exceedingly hurtful for them.
"I wish I had a better daughter/son."
These kinds of wishes can make children feel unwanted. They can even feel depressed and might end up arming themselves.
You must be gentle with your kids and should understand their feelings and emotions. You should know how your words can affect your children.
To sum up, toxic parents can ruin parents and child relations. Parents are everything for children, and they take every word of their parents very seriously. Verbal and physical abusers have manipulative behaviour, are emotionally unavailable, do not understand their children's feelings, and thus are toxic parents.
Having toxic parents damages children's childhood experiences. It can deteriorate their mental health and even force them to have suicidal thoughts. It would be best to learn what toxic parents are and what they do and say to avoid being toxic parents yourself.
After reading this blog, I hope you will know what you should not say to your kids. If you have some more things that you think should not be said to young ones, please feel free to mention them in the comment section below. I would love to read them.